Hair cuts

I think every person on this planet we call "earth" (though I sometimes call it Gaia) has had a bad haircut, but I seem to be the only person though who has them at least once a year.

I do not spend much time or money on my curly locks, so maybe this is my own fault. I have only paid at most $10 for a haircut and buy generic Wal-Mart shampoo. (side note: who thought of the word shampoo? the word poo is right there in the name. I mean I would never try to sell something that has poo in it.) (side side-note: how is Tom Raper RV in business? this is the website:http://www.tomraper.com/ I mean who would not change their name to start a business? If my name was "Murder" I would not become a doctor) I never really comb my hair, unless I am combing it over to look cool. And I have never put any "product" in my hair since the 8th grade. The ladies loved my hair back then.

With that being said can I please have one good haircut? Is that too much to ask? Recently I noticed my hair had gotten too long. I know my hair is too long when it bushes out on the back and sides and if I comb it down it looks like a mullet. Another way to tell is if it takes 3 hours to dry and if people start avoiding you. I pondered for several days on how I would make my next move. I could buzz it all off and start fresh, a bold move that makes you look like a holocaust victim for several weeks and takes months to become curly again, I could pay $10 (or 74.07% of a case of beer) for a professional haircut, or I could go to a charity event on campus that was raising money for some event and pay $5.

I decided to go with the charity because it is just in my nature. I might be the most charitable person I know. I give hundreds of hours of my time and dozens of my dollars every year to help the poorest person I know, usually that person is me. So the obvious choice was for me to help out and get my haircut for charity.

When I went to get the beast cut (I sometime refer to my hair in such a way) my options were limited. I could wait and have a certain female, lets call her Mandy, cut my hair or have another female, lets call her Sandy, cut (or tame) it. I had heard that Mandy was very good and high recommended, but she was already cutting someones and I could not wait, I was late for work. So I decided to settle for Sandy.

Sandy was a nice person who told me she had gotten a haircutting licence in Guatemala. This is no joke. So I had some confidence going in. I zoned out for the next 10 min thinking of all the bad haircutting incidents that had occurred over the years. There was the time when my mother, who cut my hair from 6th grade to Sophomore year in college and who may have been responsible for my low social ranking at school, was cutting my locks when she said the famous words "Oops." She had somehow slipped with the buzzers and had cut all but approximately 2 millimeters of hair in the back of my head. I still to this day think it was a plot to somehow keep her son away from the hundreds of females pursuing him that year. My hair had to be evened out and I was called Anne Frank for a month.

As the final hairs fell to the ground my "professional" hair cutter showed me a mirror and I learned why no one trusts "doctors" from South America. Sandy, in the nicest way possible, had given me a massive bowl cut. I did not panic knowing that sometimes some water and luck can heal all. I ran out (after giving a generous donation) and flew to my house.

After several minutes dunking my head in water and shaping my hair in various ways I soon saw that the damage was too much. I quickly checked my hat stock and realized I only had 3. This would be a long couple of weeks until my furry head would heal.

So I guess the moral of this story is this, even though hair is just a bunch of dead cells on your body it can still ruin your last month of college, so NEVER do any charity events. There I said it. Judge me on my words, but please leave the hair out of it.

Meetings are Boring

This is a little nugget of truth that we can all agree on.